BEN
by XERO.XANA
Summary: this story takes place in various areas. Starring: Ichigo, hisagi, Black*Star, Kid, Naruto and Jyraya. Other characters are included.
1. Chapter 1

BEN:

BLEACH EATING NARUTO

THE CHATROOM

Naruto logged on.

Black Star logged on.

Naruto: hello?

Naruto: hello?

Black Star: yo.

Naruto: …

Black Star: wtf…..

Naruto: what?

Black Star: you didn't answer dufus!

Naruto: so….. Your point?

Black Star: nevermind.

Death the Kid logged on.

Kid: _

Naruto: who're you?

Kid: Death the Kid.

Kid: who are you?

Naruto: Naruto Uzumaki! Hokage of the freakin' Leaf Village.

Black Star: [pukes]

Kid: Black Star, are you okay?

Black Star: what the fudge is on my parfait!

Kid: O_O you had a parfait!

Kid: WITHOUT ME!

Black Star: yh… sorry bro….

Kid: it's okay. O_O… uh oh….

Black Star: what?

Kid: what?

Black Star: you said what.

Kid: I didn't say what.

Black Star: yes you did.

Black Star: I said sorry bro you said uh oh and said what and you said what.

Kid: I didn't say what you said what.

Black Star: what no! you said what after I said sorry bro.

Kid: ….

Black Star: [looks triumphant]

Kid: I didn't say what.

Naruto: OMIGOD! BLACK STAR PUKES KID SAYS YOU OKAY YOU SAID WHAT THE FUDGE IS ON MY PARFAIT HE SAYS YOU HAD A PARFAIT WITHOUT ME YOU SAY YH SORRY BRO HE SAID UH OH YOU SAID WHAT HE SAID WHAT AND BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH! SO BOTH OF YOU… SHUT THE F#$% UP!

Black Star: O_O

Kid: O_O

Black Star: ….

Kid: uhhh, what are we talkin' about?

Naruto: OH SONOVA B!#&%!

Naruto: [goes to Kid's house, wrecks him and his house and returns]

Kid logged off.

Black Star: NOOOOO! THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP PREVAILS!

Black Star logged off.

Naruto: you guys are pathetic.

Naruto logged off.


	2. Chapter 2

BEN

Bleach Eating Naruto

Getting Ready

Eruka: OH MY FREAKIN GOSH! WILL YOU STAY STILL, ALREADY!?

Mizune: chi? Chi-chi-chi!

Eruka: look, I'm trying to fit this in you, but you keep moving! Ow!

Medusa: that's not going to work, Eruka. Forcing that into her will just earn you another kick to the face.

Eruka: really, so how do you know?

Medusa: it's not that hard... though she needs to transform in order for her to put it on.

Eruka: [blank stare] oh... I knew that...

Mizune: chi?

Free: dumb-ass.

Eruka: STAY OVER THERE!

Karakura

Ichigo: so what the hell am I supposed to wear, exactly?

Renji: I dunno, pick.

Ichigo: pick? There's like a million suits in this big-ass store! How am I supposed to pick!?

Renji: you can start by BRINGING YOU ASS OVER TO THE FIRST RACK AND LOOK! [kicks him]

Ichigo: the [bleep], man!

Renji: ass.

Ichigo: bastard!

Renji: dip[bleep]

Ichigo: HOB-KNOCKER!

Uryuu: what the hell are you guys arguing about? [wearing a white tux with blue dress shirt]

Renji and Ichigo: none of your damn business!

Orihime: ooh, Ichigo, you should wear this! [points to a black suit with red dress shirt]

Ichigo: really, Orihime?

Orihime: yes! You'll look handsome in them.

Ichigo: Okay... thanks. I will.

Renji: lover boy.

Ichigo: Renji, shut the [bleep] up.

Rukia: guys, are you ready to go? Byakuya is waiting.

Ichigo: why the hell is he even here?

Rukia: you're asking me that?

Ichigo: [temple throb] nevermind...

A minute...

Ichigo: the [bleep] how did he even get here!?

Rukia: he drove.

Everyone: BYAKUYA CAN DRIVE!? WHAT THE [BLEEP] IS THIS WORLD COMING INTO!?

Rukia: WILL YOU ALL JUST SHUT THE HELL UP AND GROW THE [BLEEP] UP ALREADY AND CHANGE!

Clerk: daaaanm, I wouldn't want to get into that group...

Shinji: me neither...

Clerk: um who are you?

Shinji: [posing somewhat like a boss] call me Titanium.

Clerk: isn't that an element?

Shinji: yeah. It can be a name too.

Clerk: not really, no. It cant.

Shinji: [using his signature look] you look too bored to work here. Can I have your number? Just so I can take you to lunch, or something, my love?

Clerk: [seriously buying the act] sure

Hiyori: LIKE HELL YOU ARE [smacks him with a sandal]

[CRAASHH!]

Clerk: OMG! OMG! OMG! SHINJI! ARE YOU OKAY!?

Shinji:...[knocked out cold]

Hiyori: that bastard is one hell of a player!

Clerk: really?

Hiyori: yeah, even though he doesn't have a girlfriend, he likes to act like he has 'em.

Clerk: so why did you hit him?

Hiyori: his relationship skills sucks ass.

A moment...

Clerk: are you his girlfriend?

Hiyori: [pales] HELL TO THE NO!

Konoha

[music: Pitbull - Don't Stop The Party]

Naruto: [dancing while putting on his party clothes] he he! This song rocks!

[Rock Lee walks in]

Lee: Hey Naruto, did you see my camer-...

[Record Scratches/Naruto froze]

Naruto: uhh... this is awkward...

Lee: you were listening to Pitbull, weren't you?

Naruto: yeah... pretty much

Lee: [suddenly excited] then turn up the volume!

[Pitbull resumes]

[Naruto does the Elvis Presley/Rock Lee does the Bernie]

[Sakura, Ino, Kurenai, Hinata and Tsunade walks in]

Sakura: hey guys, have you seen my tam-

[Record scratches again]

[everyone deadpans at the two]

Naruto and Lee: uhh... oh snap...

Sakura: [pissed] Naruto, did you or did you not steal my new Pitbull album from my TOP SECRET chest of all of SAKURA'S SECRET personal belongings!?

Lee: oh [bleep] that was hers?

Naruto: I'm just gonna... SKEEP TO MY LOOP! [jumps out the window]

Sakura: OH HELLZ NO! [chases him]

Tsunade: what's her problem? I'ts not like we don't like Pitbull. She hides it from everyone.

Lee: what do you mean?

[Hinata, Tsunade, Ino and Kurenai puts on dark shades while Hinata pulls out another CD]

Ino: wanna hear MIB?

[Lee puts on his own personalized dark shades]

Lee: [in a Kool-Aid voice] OH HELLZ YEAH!

[they walk out with a large bombox while playing Pitbull's Back In Time]


	3. Chapter 3

BEN

Bleach Eating Naruto

10 Things NOT To Do In A Airport/Plane

Part 1

[cue Ancient music]

{Fault NO. 10- Bringing your own food...}

[GONG]

Random sumo wrestler voice: HO!

Orihime: but I wanna! This is the only time, besides school, that I bring my lunches. I don't like airport food!

Rukia: [walking next to Renji] but Orihime, we're not allowed to bring food into the airport. Let alone, a plane.

Renji [while listening to rap]: Noh! Noh!

Uryuu: what the [bleep]...

Orihime: you're telling me that now? [holds up her food]

[ICHIGO AND RUKIA SPAZZ DANCE]: WAAAAAH! PUT THAT AWAY, NOW!

Orihime: NUU! [holds it tightly]

Rukia [death glare]: I said, now!

[Orihime pouts]

Stein: So, how am I SUPPOSED to do this, Lord Death?

Death: You have to make sure that Medusa doesn't escape your eyesight.

[Little Medusa, dangling from Stein's death grip on her hoodie]

Stein: but she's extremely annoying when in her child form... I can't take it when it comes to dissecting things, her included.

Spirit: you're in an airport. how in the hell would you manage that?

Stein: that, right there, is strictly forbidden to converse in public.

Spirit: but you just sai-

Stein: uhn-uhn-uhn... forbidden.

Spirit: smartass.

Medusa: indeed.

[Stein jolts her twice]

Medusa: hey, what the hell!?

Spirit: silence, if you want to live.

Medusa: how nice of you to treat a woman, Stein.

Death: try not to lose her, okay Stein? I don't want this to end badly like Snakes In A Plane, or Mama or whatnot. Medusa can still control her powers even with a little bit of power. Alright? Bye-Bye!

[Hangs Up]

Spirit: right... wait here, I gotta pee.

[Stein puts away the small broken glass, then pulls up Medusa face to face with him]

Stein: what am I gonna do with you?

Medusa: well, you can't dissect me.

Stein: that is an exception.

[Medusa droops]

[A certain orange-headed girl pops up next to him]

Orihime: hello, there!

Stein: oh, hey there.

Orihime: I'm sorry for interrupting you two, but for my gratitude, will you take this?

[Stein looks at the delicious food]

Orihime: it has curry with salmon, rice with red beans and celery, snow crabs and fried chicken, [currently rapping without noticing] and kidney beans, black beans, green beans and BLACK-EYED PEAS!

Stein [cringes]: what a mix...

Medusa: that could be a new rap song...

Orihime: no, no, no! LOOK ITS THEM!

[the aforementioned group walks past an enormous group of fans with markers, pens, paper and pencils while the cops hold them off from crushing them]

Orihime [eyes gleaming while in a moe moe state]: I. Love. Fergie!

Ichigo: Orihime, we have to go!

Orihime: Coming! Thank you, sir! [shoves the food to Stein and runs off] Goodbye!

Stein: hey, wait! [slumps] aw.

Medusa: how nice, and delicious.

Stein: ya want it?

Medusa: really?!

Stein: it's yours. I already ate.

Medusa: YAY ME! [clapping to herself]

[Stein sweatdrops]

Stein: you did not just pull a London Timpton...

[Spirit running back towards them]

Spirit: okay, there was some HEEEEEEEUUUUUUUUUUUGGGEEEE-ass badonkadonk back there. Too bad she went to the woman's bathroom. Oh well.

Medusa: Spirit, a pervert after he said that he would quit it? Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho, Maka's gotta hear this.

Spirit: [sniff, sniff] is that food I smell?

[Medusa clutches Orihime's unknowingly [bleep]-ed up food]

Medusa: yes. You now noticed? It's mine.

Spirit: you gonna share some of that?

Medusa: OH HELL NO!

Spirit: I'll take you on a piggy-back ride.

Medusa: YES!

[Medusa happily jumps on Spirit's head]

Stein: weird-asses.

Medusa: eat me. [blows raspberry]

Stein: Don't worry, I got plans for you already. [turns his screw ominously]

[Medusa trembles]

[A red-headed girl with glasses stops them in front of the terminal minutes later]

Karin: whoa there, buddy... no food allowed.

Medusa: what was that? [suddenly snake-eyed]

[Karin trembles from inside]

Karin: didn't you hear me, [bleep] nuts, no food allowed. The planes will provide you with healthier food.

Spirit: and how do you know that OUR food isn't?

[Karin sniffs once]

Karin: I can smell a [bleep] up combination of curry, fish, multiple beans, crabs and [bleep] FRIED CHICKEN.

Medusa and Spirit: and THAT'S not healthy!?

Karin [fixing her glasses]: It's like you came from POLO [BLEEP] TROPICAL!

[Spirit steps in front of her in a funny pose]

Karin: what?

[Medusa bends down quickly and bites Karin's neck, causing her to pass out]

Spirit: Boss.

Medusa: typical [bleep]. She probably slept with a man multiple times already.

Stein: how do you know that?

Medusa: she passed out blushing when I bit her.

Spirit: huh.

Stein: yep...

* * *

><p>Reviews wanted! Tell me how you like it! Or concerns!<p>

^m^ ^_^ ^m^

S.


	4. Chapter 4

BEN

Bleach Eating Naruto

10 Things NOT To Do In A Airport/Plane

Part 1

[cue Ancient music]

{Fault NO. 9-Yelling}

[GONG]

Random sumo wrestler voice: HO!

Renji: [listening to Maroon 5]

Rukia: [notices it and points her puppy dog eyes at Renji]

Rukia: What are you listening to?

Renji: [takes off headpiece] what?

Rukia: the song, what are you listening to?

Renji: oh, moves like jagger-

Rukia: SQUEEEEEEEE! [plants the headpiece onto her ear]

Flight Attendant: shhh.

Renji: [mouthing] sorry.

Renji: hey, don't break it!

Flight Attendant: [face palming]

Rukia: [scoots closer to Renji]

Renji: [to himself] ah wow. This is one of the few times that I've been this close to Rukia... so nice...

Byakuya: [into Renji's consciousness] do anything that harms Rukia's personal space and I will kill you in your sleep.

Renji: [stands up abruptly] GAAAAAHHHHH!

Nearby Stock Broker: hey, shut the hell up, i'm on a very important call!

Renji: you shut up, fat piece of crap!

Rukia: [wide eyed] what the [bleep] was that?

Renji: [trying to avoid Rukia] I uhh... just remembered. I gotta pee. [runs off to the bathroom]

Rukia and nearby Flight Attendant: wait, you're not supposed to run in a plane... or else you-

[extreme plane turbulance]

[everybody screams]

[BANG]

Renji: OW WHAT THE [BLEEP]!?

Ichigo: seriously? The plane really had to go that far enough to a turbulance at the right friggin' time?

Gin: Renji's timing really sucks ass at some point, ya know.

Ichigo: yeah, you're right about that one. [grimace] hey, HOW THE HELL ARE YOU HERE!?

Flight Attendant: oh gosh, this is getting really out of hand... For the love of... BE QUIET!

[indistinct shouting intensifies]

[feedback]

Voice of Pilot: WILL YA'LL PLEASE JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!? I'M TRYING TO FLY THIS DAMN THING WITH OUT HAVIN' TO CRASH ANYWHERE.

[silence...]

[feedback]

Pilot: Thank you, and thank you for flying Windu Airlines.

Renji: Windu airlines, who the [bleep] thought of something so crappy?

Pilot: WHO SAID THAT?!

Renji: YOU'RE MOTHER!

Pilot: SHUT 'CHO ASS UP!

Renji: SAY IT TO MYH FACE!

[BANG]

[everybody screams again]

Passenger: TERRORIST!

Renji: uhh...

Everybody: MACE WINDU!?

Mace: Damn right. Now, which dumbass talked about my momma?

[everybody points at Renji]

Renji: Snitches.

Mace: Im'a whoop yo ass, boy.

Renji, pulling out Zabimaru: Hah, but I have a zanpakutou.

[CHRRRRRNNN]

[everybody gasps]

Ichigo and Rukia: Ooooooooooooooh... Shit just got real!

[Orihime tries to touch the ionic part of the saber]

Mace:Whoa!

[VRRM]

Mace: dont touch that. It slice off that pretty little finger of yours.

Orihime: ooh. He called my fingers pretty.

Renji: oh my [bleep]-ing gosh, can we fight now...

[lightsaber slices the zanpakutou in half]

Byakuya: unacceptable.

Renji: [gasp] oh no... No... NO... NOOOOOOOO!

Byakuya: [rage face] YOU'RE FIRED!

Renji: ah [bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeep][gasp]

Byakuya: what. The. Fuck?

Ichigo: why the hell didn't the author censor THAT!?

Random voice-over: because he's that cool-cool-cool-cool-cool...

Ichigo: the echo... Really?

Mace: look's like my work is done, here. I love this job. Autographs?

[everyone rushes in with pens and papers]

Ichigo: well, that solves it... Mace saved the plane with Renji's dumbass-ness, Orihime nearly got her finger cut off, and everyone in the plane is good, and the kids are alright. so that makes him part of this lively...crowd... Wait a minute... who the [bleep] is flying the plane?

[cricket...cricket...cricket...cricket...]

Mace: OH SHIT!

[MASSIVE TURBULENCE OCCUR AS THE PLANE DOES BARREL ROLLS AND IMMELMANNS ALL OVER THE HORIZON]

[channel 7 news playing]

We have a breaking news that Oriental Airlines are currently 'Flying High' in the atmosphere right now. We are not sure what has happened. Neither does the Air Command Center. They tried to get a word from them but due to this footage, it seems that the plane is acting on its own.

Mace: THIS [BLEEP] AIN'T FUNNY, MAN!

PLANE: YEYUH! WHOOP WHOOP! IMA FLYIN MYH LAZAH!

[afterburners egnite]

Mace: OH SHIT!


End file.
